Samplepocalypse

Sample Report.  Jan 3, 2012:  Score 1.5/10


2012 is of course the year that Mayan calendars end, and the supposed year of the apocalypse.  Costco seems to have determined that the time for meager living and rationing is already upon us, and today they dished out some of the most doleful samples one could ever imagine.  There were a grand total of 5 samples today and all of them were incredibly poor.  Clam Chowder, Tilapia, Soy Milk, Chicken Noodle Soup and Kleenex were the samples of the day.  That's four food samples, and one for your runny nose.  Pretty ridiculous.

I'm not crazy about seafood, and Costco seafood is most likely bottom of the barrel when it comes to quality, and I did not even bother with either the Chowder or the Tilapia.  I similarly passed on the soy milk, and I took one bit of my chicken noodle soup only to throw the rest away.  The sample ladies seemed to echo our frustration, as their normally cheery eyes and sunny dispositions had been replaced by somber attitudes and looks of disdain.  I even believe I heard Maricarmen mutter spanish darkly under her tongue, most likely vocalizing her distress at realizing what her life had come to.

These are truly dark times for Costco samples, and prompted me and Kyle to speak about how we would handle a zombie apocalypse.  We both quickly decided that the zombie apocalypse is the most desirable of all of the civilization-ending scenarios, and not only would we survive, but we would thrive.  In fact, both of us concluded that a zombie apocalypse is likely favorable to our current situation.

***Costco Sample Update for November 18th, 2011***

***Costco Sample Update for November 18th, 2011***

The most distinguishing feature of the Samplesaurus compared to other species of dinosaur is it's uncanny ability to survive long periods of time (up to 300 years in some instances) while in a vegetative state.  Scientists at CERN have extracted blood samples from the Samplesaurus to target the DNA structure in search of a cure to rescue coma miracles.  Dr. Baughanovich has hypothesized that the introduction of Samplesaurus extracted cells into the human body with concentrated doses of free samples from Costco could allow humans to hibernate, possibly preserving the human mind and body for decades.  He is also looking to combine freezing technologies practiced in the blockbuster hit "Encino Man." 

Today's Menu: four cheese ravioli, otisspunkenmeyer chocolate cookies, all natural veggie spring rolls, edamame, stephen's coca variety, special k fruit crisps, organic vegetable base, stuffed queen olives, progresso clam chowder, saltine crackers and cheese, pumpkin cheese torta on a multigrain cracker, Ikuma sushi

Overall rating - 8.1/10 

The Ikuma sushi was incredible... best store bought sushi since the stone age.

***Costco Sample Update for October 8th, 2010***

The Samplesaurus has outlived all other species of dinosaurs due to its ability to adapt an ever changing environment.  His primary mechanism is his Executive Membership at Costco.  It has allowed him to roam the earth, from Costco to Costco, and nourish itself from an abundance of samples and receive 2% cash back on all  purchases.

His latest meal consisted of: Chicken meatballs, lobster bisque, mashed potatoes with turkey gravy, mushroom Ravioli, spinach ravioli, organic tomato basil soup, grilled cheese - Daves killer bread and tillamook cheddar, Brie cheese on Rosemary croccatini, emergency food kit hot cocoa, yakisoba - stir fry, mini cinnabuns, cafe frappe, apple cider, dark chocolate blueberries and pomengranite, chicken egg roll

Overall rating - 8.1/10
An incredible lineup to kick-off peak sample season, unfortunately crowds were heavy. I ended up getting a hot dog to wrap up the day; they are testing a new hot dog in select markets:

***Costco Sample Update for February 27th, 2010***

I have wondered for days without samples; I have finally been nourished: Muffin assortment (apple crumb, poppyseed, and chocolate), chicken potstickers, black bean burgers, teryiaki chicken, shrimp & scallop pasta bake, chicken ravioli, yoplait yogurts, pancakes (aka FLAPJACKS), hot & spicy noodles, BBQ rice crisps, trio natural bars.

My overall rating is 6.8/10.  I no longer enjoy the freedoms of funemployment.  I am now consigned to 40 hours a week to the Man, but my love for samples will never fade.  For the moment I will have to be a sample weekend warrior, or the ULTIMATE SAMPLE WARRIOR.  Each Saturday I will put my Sample Heavyweight World Championship belt on the line for anyone who dreams of entering the ring with me....

***Costco Sample Update for February 19th, 2010***

And for today's sample starting line-up!!!

At forward, from Georgetown... Asparagus and cheese cannelloni in pesto sauce
At guard, from UCLA...  Organic lentil soup
At center, from the Borough of Manhattan Community College... Bourgogne cheese on bagette
At forward, from Michigan... Chex Mix
And at guard, from the University of North Carolina.... #23...  LOBSTER RAVIOLI IN PESTO SAUCE!!!!!

(On the bench: Zipfizz energy drink, , vita-mix smoothies and soups, Lysol sanitizing wipes, sweet chili rice chips, raw almonds, kashi granola bars)

My overall rating is 5.9/10.  The regular season is beginning to heat up.  March Madness is just around the corner and the sample competition will be intensifying as samples will be making a push for the tourney.  Today's line-up will have to step up their game if they want to make it past the first round.  They cannot rely soley on Lobster Ravioli to carry them to the finals...

FIELD REPORT!!!

I have been away from the Orem Costco and my Samplesaurus partners, and decided that I should continue our sampling reviews from the field.  Missoula is a wonderful place and is known for it's natural beauty, but the samples left a lot to be desired.  Today we had:  Clam Chowder, Yogurt Triple Berry Fruit Smoothie (sample of the day), Flax and Pumpkin Seed Granola, Lite Ranch Dressing with Celery.

My overall rating was a 3/10.  The smoothie and he granola were great and there were no wait times or else we would be looking at a lower score.  People in Montana live in constant fear of grizzly, cougar and moose attack and you generally only leave the house when necessary, so crowds are at a minimum in Costco.

  My heart resides in the quirky city of Missoula and while I have had a great time at home, something needs to be done about the sample situation here.  My friend who accompanied me claimed that this was a pretty normal day for samples and she was actually pleased with the selection.  I had to count to ten slowly or I probably would have slapped her.  PLEASED?!  I could have eaten ten of each of the samples and still would not have been full.  This is the first time I have missed anything about Utah while in Montana and it chills me to my very bones.  Amy needs to come to Missoula and whip these ladies into shape.

***Costco Sample Update for February 18th, 2010***

Not too much going on today: Cheddar (aged 24 months), Greek salad dip w/cucumber, Vita-mix: smoothies, soups, etc..., cream puffs, yoplait yogurt, prego pasta sauce w/pasta imported from Italy, all natural fruit bars.

My overall rating is 4.1/10.  The only good thing about today was Neil finding a new outfit for his next date (hopefully with a girl).  I know, pretty sweet outfit, and once he tells his date that he is a writer for Samplesaurus she will fall in love.

Sike... she is probably going to dump Neil either way...